Year End Special, Vol 5: Bands I Hate the Most

Once again I don't want to dwell on these overhyped, undeserving, wastes of space. I just need to vent quickly, and then we'll return to more pleasant issues. These are the bands I hated the most in 2006:

1. The Walkmen – A Hundred Miles Off : I hold them at least indirectly responsible for delaying the recognition that French Kicks (former label mates) have deserved for years now. And then, when the Kicks get the push they need, their music lacks the same sparkle that drew me to them. The Walkmen are copycats and overall terrible musicians. Avoid them at all costs.
   
2. Joanna Newsom – Ys : Newsom sings like an epileptic, demented elf. I don't care about Van Dyke Parks' arrangements, I don't give a crap about Jim O'Rourke's production, and Newsom's harp skillz don't do shit for me. If only one guitarist existed in the world of independent music, he would not deserve praise for being the best guitarist. I think my next Anti-Hipster feature will cover this one, so I'll stop for now.
   
3. TV on the Radio – Return to Cookie Mountain : I've already written an extensive feature about this filthy rubbish (see the July section of this blog). They'll fade away...just wait.
   
4. Bonnie “Prince” Billie – The Letting Go : He claims that music writers spend too much time categorizing and not enough time sharing. Well, Mr. Billie, if it makes you feel better, I'll share your music with my trash can. That's where it belongs.
   
5. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah : It's the voice on this one. I can't stand the voice. I'd rather listen to CDs chock full of nail-down-the-chalkboard recordings. Does that idea alone make you cringe? That's what this band does to me.
   
6. Arctic Monkeys – Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not : It doesn't matter what records they set or how much they got yapped about on the internet. This is lousy, derivative rock music with no future.
   
7. The Raconteurs – Broken Boy Soldiers : Damn you, Jack White. Damn you to hell. Whatever artistic credibility you held with the White Stripes (a band I never even enjoyed) is now gone. Go rot in your world of classic rock radio giants.